Back in September of 2016 I set up the blog with the intention of just trying to figure out the way I wanted everything to work with an official launch later. On December 31 2016 I decided I wanted to do the official launch of the Fat J project at the start of the new year and from there we would just kind of wing it and improve it as we moved forward. I had just started to get my confidence on doing this whole thing since I have suffered from depression / anxiety for a long time i wanted to give myself some time but one by one set backs kept that from happening and one of those set backs was the death of one of my closest friends since 1995 David Necro of Crypt Magazine.
Dave was the who first got me into this whole thing and was like a older brother to me so his death hit in a way I have never experienced before. So by saying I have been a wreck would be a understatement but I tried to keep myself busy with our Twitch stream The Fat J Stream and it was helping for a time and we starting to get the stream going till our next set back. A little after Dave’s death I started doing more stream that were longer and starting get the hang of it while trying to take my mind off everything by constantly streaming as much as possible. As some of you know we were really getting into streaming the game “The Forest” for awhile and getting really detailed on how the games inner workings functioned by playing the shit out of it.
I was really keeping my mind occupied with this instead of focusing on my loss and to be honest i had never suffered a loss to this extent before so keeping busy was all i could do. Now with all of that going through my mind made it tough enough to push forward but I kept trying my hardest then we had our next major set back. The day after a 16 hour stream on Twitch during one of our Fat J Weekends I got up to start the stream early to start the broadcast to find that I started having internet problems that were out of my control in which my upstream had become unstable and forced me to halt the streams. After a time we decided to continue the stream but in a very low quality dropping our video encoding from 3,100 to 1,000 and at least kept us going with our viewers being very sportive but it was very frustrating that we could not broadcast in full hd. A few weeks ago my internet began working again at full force so we made plans for a full on Fat J weekend and then we had some major tech problems that held us back a bit but were soon fixed but the night of the main broadcast the internet problems returned. Now on top of all of these things that just keep happening like a smack to the face since the beginning of the year it has just kicked the shit out of my stress levels and has caused me to give up over and over not to mention how more I drink now because of all the stress trying to get everything working again so we can get this off the ground.
The reason I am telling you all of this is because I believe in being honest and I wanted to let you know it has just been a string of bad luck for me for awhile and every time I get fight to pick my head back up something else just strike you back down so it has been a struggle to even try to push forward. To be honest I have felt like just giving up the idea of doing any of this but I just cant I really want to make something that will hopefully and eventually be something I can be proud of. So this is what we are going to do step by step we are going to relaunch and try to fix everything as best we can piece by piece. I will start by relaunching the blog and cleaning up and re-posting plus start posting new things not to mention for now we will start doing the streams again in low quality until we can find a solution to my internet problems. This whole Fat J thing is really me just winging it to begin with but I wanted something different something more my style but unlike then man that got me into all this I am not a writer hence the me winging it part lol. The truth is I really want to do this and really appreciate everyone who has been pushing at me not to give up but I now this is going to still be a bitch to get this all started not to mention to get it the way I want it to be. Well the point of all this is to let you now whats going on and that I am not trying to make excuses for being lazy or some shit but just tell you the truth of what is going on so hopefully you are human enough to understand.
So thank you to everyone I am going to keep trying because that’s all I can do wish me luck!!! – Fat J